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majority of individuals mandated to the Domestic Abuse Center arrived
blaming others for their behavior. It is so easy to blame some else
for your problems. For years, I have tried to stress this point
during my counseling sessions.
Personally, healing did not occur until I took responsibility
for my own actions. Our actions cause reactions. Those reactions,
in turn, cause consequences that are either good or bad. Domestic
violence is both a national and worldwide crisis. Domestic
abuse is violence that occurs between couples who are living together,
or once lived together, in a conjugal style relationship. In most
relationships when the relationship goes bad, whether it is money
or communication, the blame is placed on someone else.
Some individuals are very egotistical, hence, their
thinking boils down to "I know that I'm right." Most people,
mainly men, also let one thing cloud their judgment: PRIDE.
Once an individual understands the concepts of the
Domestic Abuse Center, they will begin to make positive changes
in their life.
When I went to the Domestic Abuse Center over twenty-two years ago,
I had one rule: Personality is difficult to change due to
your RULES.
My wife and kids would do what I said without a
doubt. Most of the jobs that I held were very stressful. By not
having the proper coping skills, it was very easy to abuse my family
with any form of abuse. It is all about being in control. Today
in our counseling sessions, many individuals still believe this.
I was unable to communicate my true feelings to my wife and kids.
It is a known fact that all perpetrators have a very low self-esteem
of themselves. We constantly give ourselves self-talks, which is
unmindful. Unmindful thinking is those thoughts
that will not help us solve the problem at hand. Examples of unmindful
thinking include:
a. Blaming another person, self, or situation for things not going
the way you want and causing you to feel the way you do (i.e. being
the victim).
b. Complaining: thoughts that a person/place/thing
is blocking your happiness.
c. Worrying about things that you can't change or control.
It has been proven that we believe we are the victims
instead of the perpetrator. We have a tendency to take a problem
that is very minor and turn it into a mountain. We have no idea
what forgiveness really means. All perpetrators have an emotional
cup, which is BAGGAGE that can be further broken into guilt, worthlessness,
and resentment.
Personality is difficult to change due to your RULES.
In order to be successful you have to be able to
resolve problems in a healthy manner. A problem is defined as an
unwanted/unexpected life event in which you lack the coping skills
to deal withl. When a problem goes unresolved it follows this type
of chain:
PROBLEM ------->STRESS
------->EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL CUES
A lot of people deal with emotional
and physical cues in unhealthy ways. Examples include |
